Monday, August 16, 2004


Okay, I’m not trained for this. Poor Josh is really having reality set in pretty hard right now. In addition to the chemo and the side-effects, he’s got the drugs and the tedium. Four days in a hospital bed is a long time. And he knows how much longer he can be here, too.

He’s held most of his emotions in check now since he found out his leukemia had returned and the Ativan he's taking in here really leaves his emotions close to the surface. So, his patience is short and it’s hard for him not to feel. Anger, sadness, fear. They’re all right there, and with the nagging pains, interruptions, disruptions, worries all constantly eating at him, he erupts. It’s painful, but cathartic. The process rips away the emotional scabs and everything is laid out, raw and bleeding. But now that it’s in the open, he can begin to deal with it honestly instead of suppressing it.

On the medical side, the Protonix seems to be helping the heartburn, but only a little. They took an EKG and a chest x-ray to make sure there’s no organ damage and, so far, it looks good. His nurse today suggested we be sure and request a consult for an upper GI if it doesn’t improve overnight. He’s had this intense heartburn for 48 hours with only short term relief.

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